Yes!! she thought she survived a Friday without surrendering,she was almost going to,the addiction that was he was right in front of her,singing his songs in this wretched bar where she’d go only for him,only to see him,his timing always fluctuated resulting in her fluctuating heart,only thing sure was that he’d show up to his weekly gig,he knew she was crazy about him,he knew well,she had once in an inebriated state confessed to him that she was in love with his oh so smooooth voice,she was crazy in love,only wanted to watch him sing and play,ofcourse that small world was crazy about him too,fighting for attention she always had to,but she knew he treated her special,looked at her differently,teased and played with her with his gaze,and she had no choice but to fall,his voice was honey,his lyrics stuff of dreams which he himself wrote,he was little older than her,wore a french beard,salt and pepper,black rimmed thin reading glasses,he looked absolutely gorgeous,he wore his age well,carried himself perfect,she always liked men older than her,who could make her submissive,tame her and tonight submission was on her mind, this Friday she came dressed to kill,with only one intention,of asking him out,a date of sorts,hopefully hoping with all hope that towards the end of that date he’d whisper her name in her ear and she’d just swoon in his arms,this she imagined the whole time she knew him from the first time she heard him even before looking at his face,his voice captured her heart,made her slave and surrender,sweet surrender is all she dreamed about.
The time did come,he arrived really late,sang while teasing her with his gaze and she was melting in that uncomfortable chair,she thought she’d ask him out today if she got a chance but she also wondered that if her fantasy became reality what would she look forward to,so she waited,thought to herself that she’d let the moment guide her,and guided she was,he was rather preoccupied and not to mention surrounded by a horde of women,she felt uncomfortable fighting for attention,she almost went up to him but couldn’t gather the courage and stormed out of the bar,she ran like she had never run before,as if running away from him,as if enjoying the rush it gave her,fighting her desire gave her a rush and ran she did till she got home and threw herself on her bed,closed eyes and thought about what a mess she was,but also very pleased with herself for not ending this affair by giving in,she was going to relish him more,savour this pain more before she gets to the bottom of the fantasy that was him,she did hate him like she could only hate him for putting her through this torment,but yay,she thought,she survived a Friday!!! and wrote a poem hoping to one day be able to read it to him,hoping one day he’ll sing the words from her write,the poem read how she felt…


I go through that over and over
I listen over and over
you are on my mind
you are all the time
smooth talker with a voice like silk
your kind I despise it’s your ilk
you just had to grab my hand
and I was in fantasy land
where you I get to hold
where I’m constantly told
in that hypnotising soulstirring voice
that you see tenderness and I had no choice
but to fall deeper into this hole
where I’ll be in the dark till you come hold
hold my hands which you said grabbed you with their tenderness
I need to feel your hands now need to feel your caress
need you to whisper till I am drained
of this longing of this pain
the longing the yearning
excruciating and is killing
take me high in love bring me down
hold my hand and let me drown
in the deep seas that are your eyes
I’m so sorry I’m helpless I have no choice
but to let my pain out
your name in the streets I shout out aloud
I’m hoping you’ll hear
hoping you’ll hold me like something dear
and as we both embrace
the world will forever be rid of darkness
I will know solace I will breathe easy
only when in my hands I’ll hold your face tenderly

©Seema Tabassum 2016
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