Category: Lost and Found (page 2 of 3)

Lost and Found,Question and Answer (short story,poem)

q&a poem

©Seema Tabassum 2016
©lifeshues.org 2016
All content and images copyright 2016
All rights reserved

picture courtesy : https://unsplash.com/

Lost and Found,In The Realm Of Dreams (short story,poem)

She fell in love with the sight of him three weeks ago on the last bus which she took home every Friday,today was Friday too,he seemed to board the same bus on a route that they had in common but they shared this bus only once a week,other days she went home much early,now of him she knew only his face,how he felt in her heart and his voice when she overheard him speaking on the phone and that was enough for her to fall in love for eternity or so she felt.

He on the other hand showed no interest or even smiled,maybe he was oblivious even to her existence,but with each Friday she felt she was falling harder,breathing harder to keep her body running,with the heart so heavy it was a task,she was practically dragging her heart behind her,pulling it leaving behind clusters of blood with all that dragging,
now she had to know how this will end,it was killing her to feel like this,she had to,had to,find out how it ends,she decided she’ll write about how she felt about him,let him know,speed the God damn process,know the end,get through it,get over it,she wanted him to know how she feels about him and wanted to discover how he does,about her,but in her heart of hearts she wanted his love all for herself,in her heart of hearts she believed it was most probable that he noticed her,she hoped at least her letter to him would make him see that her kind of love was the most special,she dreamed that letter would change everything,make him see her and she wrote with all her heart,with the passion she felt,she wrote hoping to win him,hoping to leave behind something that tugs at his heart….it read…

2016-05-20-18.42.51.jpg.jpeg

©Seema Tabassum 2016
©http://lifeshues.org 2016
All content and images copyright 2016
All rights reserved

picture courtesy : https://unsplash.com/

Lost and Found,Enchanted (short story,poem)

Yes!! she thought she survived a Friday without surrendering,she was almost going to,the addiction that was he was right in front of her,singing his songs in this wretched bar where she’d go only for him,only to see him,his timing always fluctuated resulting in her fluctuating heart,only thing sure was that he’d show up to his weekly gig,he knew she was crazy about him,he knew well,she had once in an inebriated state confessed to him that she was in love with his oh so smooooth voice,she was crazy in love,only wanted to watch him sing and play,ofcourse that small world was crazy about him too,fighting for attention she always had to,but she knew he treated her special,looked at her differently,teased and played with her with his gaze,and she had no choice but to fall,his voice was honey,his lyrics stuff of dreams which he himself wrote,he was little older than her,wore a french beard,salt and pepper,black rimmed thin reading glasses,he looked absolutely gorgeous,he wore his age well,carried himself perfect,she always liked men older than her,who could make her submissive,tame her and tonight submission was on her mind, this Friday she came dressed to kill,with only one intention,of asking him out,a date of sorts,hopefully hoping with all hope that towards the end of that date he’d whisper her name in her ear and she’d just swoon in his arms,this she imagined the whole time she knew him from the first time she heard him even before looking at his face,his voice captured her heart,made her slave and surrender,sweet surrender is all she dreamed about.
The time did come,he arrived really late,sang while teasing her with his gaze and she was melting in that uncomfortable chair,she thought she’d ask him out today if she got a chance but she also wondered that if her fantasy became reality what would she look forward to,so she waited,thought to herself that she’d let the moment guide her,and guided she was,he was rather preoccupied and not to mention surrounded by a horde of women,she felt uncomfortable fighting for attention,she almost went up to him but couldn’t gather the courage and stormed out of the bar,she ran like she had never run before,as if running away from him,as if enjoying the rush it gave her,fighting her desire gave her a rush and ran she did till she got home and threw herself on her bed,closed eyes and thought about what a mess she was,but also very pleased with herself for not ending this affair by giving in,she was going to relish him more,savour this pain more before she gets to the bottom of the fantasy that was him,she did hate him like she could only hate him for putting her through this torment,but yay,she thought,she survived a Friday!!! and wrote a poem hoping to one day be able to read it to him,hoping one day he’ll sing the words from her write,the poem read how she felt…

Enchanted

I go through that over and over
I listen over and over
you are on my mind
you are all the time
smooth talker with a voice like silk
your kind I despise it’s your ilk
you just had to grab my hand
and I was in fantasy land
where you I get to hold
where I’m constantly told
in that hypnotising soulstirring voice
that you see tenderness and I had no choice
but to fall deeper into this hole
where I’ll be in the dark till you come hold
hold my hands which you said grabbed you with their tenderness
I need to feel your hands now need to feel your caress
need you to whisper till I am drained
of this longing of this pain
the longing the yearning
excruciating and is killing
take me high in love bring me down
hold my hand and let me drown
in the deep seas that are your eyes
I’m so sorry I’m helpless I have no choice
but to let my pain out
your name in the streets I shout out aloud
I’m hoping you’ll hear
hoping you’ll hold me like something dear
and as we both embrace
the world will forever be rid of darkness
I will know solace I will breathe easy
only when in my hands I’ll hold your face tenderly

©Seema Tabassum 2016
©lifeshues.org 2016
All images and content copyright 2016
All rights reserved

picture courtesy : https://unsplash.com/

Lost and Found,As Tangible As The Sky (shortstory,poem)

Under the starry sky they always met,a sky away from their home,it was a different country they met in but they both were from the same country,same city,their date today was like always,nothing really different,they walked,their dates always comprised walking,they both walked from one town to another,along the railway tracks,they’d go from one station to another,never reach the station or the platform,just separate from the train tracks when it reached a station,join those tracks right where the station ends,but they’d walk atleast four such stations and back along these local train tracks,it was a month now since their first date,except for the first two,all the dates were the same.
A few days ago his folks came to know through some other acquaintances that he was seeing this girl.They wouldn’t tolerate that,being orthodox and traditional they didn’t agree to dating before marriage,but he didn’t listen to them,he kept meeting her everyday inspite of his family against it,they’d roam the streets,they’d kiss for hours in the middle of streets that ran along those tracks,they’d stop and kiss,kiss for forever,madly deeply crazy in love,kiss as if they were speaking to each other through that,sometimes break into an impromptu silly dance,sing aloud,both terrible singers though,terrible was not the word,the dogs in the houses adjacent to the tracks would sometimes bark at their singing and they’d run from there,laughing like crazy,though his laughter was not loud,oh he was the soft spoken kind,sometimes she’d struggle to hear what he said,but her laughter like a monster,loud but like applying brakes to a car…laugh breathe laugh breathe…like hiccups maybe,so they were this young,crazy,free,stupid couple, so crazy in love that a minute apart they spent would feel like an eternity to them,she couldn’t let go of him,she loved to death,she hanged onto him as if she was hanging onto life.
That particular night though,she saw he was acting different,wouldn’t kiss,wouldn’t even hold hands,hands his hands she loved,she’d hold his hands and kiss his palms in intervals,from time to time,he had the smoothest like silk hands ever,though his palms had blisters and calluses from work his skin was smooth,not much hairy,very smooth,but that day he didn’t let her even hold his hands,she noticed and asked,he told her that he was leaving in a couple of days,going back home because his mother was not feeling well,it broke and sunk her heart,how she wished she could follow him but life came in between them,they were walking all along and were near a train station when he broke this news to her,she couldn’t even stand then,just dropped to the ground,he was the kind who would never cry but that day to see her there broke his heart,he cried but couldn’t be a lesser man in front of her,left her right there,she was praying to God,trying to make sense,begging the love of her life to not leave,but he was gone,after a while she gathered herself,came back to her senses,got up,looked around,under the light on the platform that was visible from the road,she saw his tall,strong presence,his fragrance still on her hands,it killed her to even realise that this could be the last time she saw him,his hands,those smooth hands,she still felt the warmth of his hands in hers,it all came back to her,those kisses,those songs,those hands,his voice,his smooth skin,his fragrant breath,his laughter,she always told him that a thousand flowers bloomed when he smiled,they did,atleast in her heart,she felt it,a thousand fragments of her heart bloomed and shut each time he smiled,it all came back and she had to stop him,she ran to the platform,still could see him there,she ran for her life,he was very much her life. This place was remote,trains arrived only once in an hour,so she assumed she had time,she ran,in a few moments she heard the platform bell ringing,the bell that signals the arrival of the train,her heart almost stopped,but she couldn’t stop running,by the time she reached the platform after purchasing the ticket the train had arrived,she ran,the doors were still open,she couldn’t see him on the platform,that only meant he was inside,she ran,was almost near the very first door of the long train,almost there,when the guard signalled for the doors to close and she saw her life just slip away from in front of her eyes,he was in the first compartment,near that same door,he stood up and pressed his face against the window and waved her bye,she was too shocked and shaken,she only stood there,watched him fade away into the darkness,her life into oblivion since then.
She spoke to him over the phone after he reached his home,to his mother,and he couldn’t tell her love you anymore,he was about to start a new journey with a new partner upon insistence from his entire clan and she was left all alone,she was fine with the distance,just wanted him to love,wanted his heart so bad that she had convinced herself that she’d love him till forever,from afar,out of reach but in love,she wanted him too to be in love but he couldn’t see the charm,he was way too pragmatic to be involved with somebody far away,she’d write to him,mail him,letter after letter,he still loved,didn’t mind reading but each time he read he was left feeling numb,he begged for her to get a hold of herself,find someone near,something tangible,she didn’t want anything to do with anybody,she had her heart,mind and soul fixed on him and she wouldn’t,couldn’t for the life of her, let go …
one of her mails from those hundred mails she wrote was in his mailbox in a desktop a thousand miles away from where it was sent,he couldn’t bring himself to read for he didn’t see the point of reading it and going numb,he was handling well the heartache and life,balancing quite well,till her mail which he chose not to read arrived,it read…

tangible is not what I want
I don’t want that I need you
I need your heart will make do with distance
even if you’re another’s my heart’s yours
why can’t you see the magic
whatever happened to old times
when love spanned oceans
when love was unconditional
didn’t even need touch
lovers waited for ages
committed themselves to each other
without ever promising meeting again
all they promised was love undying love unconditional love
times have changed yes
but the poems are the same
we still feel the same
when we read a Shakespeare’s sonnet
so what has changed it’s not like I can
switch off my love for you
or switch it on when I please
it doesn’t work that way
why is delusional bad why are dreams bad
why is us not good
I love you enough to wait forever
knowing well we’d maybe never even meet
I’ll make do with your dreams
you say emotions well emotions are always involved
whether it is for someone near or far
can’t you see how I love you I dig myself up scratch the wounds keep them fresh
to keep feelings for you fresh to not let us wither or die
if there is even an us
clenched is my heart by your gaze
your smile I dwell there
I am in the air you breathe
the ground under your feet
I adorn like trees the lanes in which you live
the corners where you turn
I’m in the mirrors of those buildings
looking at you but you look right through
I’m those bridges you take pictures of
I’m those weeds which you can’t get rid of
adamant don’t leave your back yard
no matter how much you try
I’m the smiles on the strangers who greet
spread on those papers you read
the rain that pours on you that is me my tears
the sun that shines on you my warm love for you
the clouds that you look at
my love enveloped in soft packages
I’m all around you the earth the air but
as tangible as the sky
as tangible as the sky

and the sky’s everywhere
everywhere

©Seema Tabassum 2016
©lifeshues.org 2016
All content and images copyright 2016
All rights reserved

picture courtesy : https://unsplash.com/

Lost and Found,Unanswered (shortstory,poem)

There was something about the rain today,she couldn’t stop thinking of him,about how he loved the rain and how she didn’t,about that one storm they braved to walk into,with them almost getting thrown away by the wind but didn’t,only because they were walking,embracing each other so tightly that there was no space even for vacuum,one behind the other,it kept rewinding in her head,that day long ago when they walked for hours in the rain and storm like crazy,no one on the streets,only them,and he in front and she behind him,he shielding her,her hands wrapped around him,this memory was most special,always kept finding it’s way in her mind and heart on days like these,when the skies were weeping and all was gloom,this memory,always the sunshine in the despicable rain.

She hurt much whenever he crossed her mind but she had something with her which almost instantly would remind her why it was wise for them to be apart.She opened her email and searched in the drafts there,a letter,a poem she wrote to him when they were together,when the distances were just beginning to show,when the questions were all answered with silences,that poem she had written upon reading another poem he had written her in the beginning of their relationship,only her poem was about how she sees their love’s end,her poem read like her heart,bid him goodbye even while they were together,this poem she kept it to herself.
They had always written letters when they were seeing each other,some poems too,they both were expressive,atleast they were in the beginning,infact they confessed their love through poems,she was the first one to,something she regrets till date,had she not written to him,nothing would have started,because he was pretty bad at reading people,he would never notice she loved,had she never written,she regrets,yes.

He and her were a little more than friends while they were studying in the university five years ago,but they had to move out of their city to new places after graduation,they found their jobs tore them apart,misplaced them,away and far from each other and the strains of a long distance relationship we all know,they loved and missed but couldn’t be together,things started changing,differences started cropping up and incompatibility increased,they were only arguments now,trivial senseless arguments everyday,his bad temper and clamming up,not making an effort to talk things out didn’t help much either and her ego was a big wall too,like they were never meant to be,love should come easy right,but for them love was hard,they loved much that’s why hard but also hard to love,they had to dig up reasons to justify their love,maybe it was because they were too young when they gave love a chance and later they grew apart,only natural,but they,out of kindness,or for the sake of their past kept at it,the cracks got wider all the more because of their distance and one day which had to eventually come,it was inevitable,far too postponed,they had an argument like never before,then he spoke about how nothing feels the same,that he had no feelings for her,his heart had moved on,not precisely to anybody else but definitely away from this long dragged relation,she knew it was coming,she agreed too that they had to call it quits because the bitterness was killing all the memories of the beautiful times they had,she wanted those memories untarnished,flawless,bright and colourful with no smudges of time on them,they had to move on and amicably they did,staying friends was hard with so much emotional baggage,so they bid each other goodbye,for good,forever,she got her wish,untarnished memories that she keeps reminiscing about,memories like the one in the rain,or words from his poems or the following poem she wrote for him when the cracks were just beginning,she wondered if the poem was probably the defining moment.

today I read
one of your
letters you
wrote to me
letters or poetry
you did manage
to make me
God-less there

I was reminded
of that crazy
in love times
such madness
and obsession
it was it IS
from my side
but things change
people change
we change
we’re
now more like
friends
though it is
all my attempts
to not let you go
to somehow
by hook or by crook
have you in
my everyday

it hurts does hurt
to see the distance
growing
expanding
only but natural
but kills me this
natural
kills to see
cut out
kills to not
be able to
ask questions
wondering what
kind of answers
those questions
might bring
wondering if
my closure is
more important
or having you
hanging onto you
more ….

how you feel
about this
situation too
is a cause of
concern
what if my
questions will
hurt you more
or on the
contrary
what if you’re
waiting for the
questions
so you can
answer them
and move on
I fear that too

I’m not hanging
onto you for
my existence
but sure what
we had was
stuff of dreams
and dreams always
are hard to let go

you were
that
dream
surreal
beautiful

I wonder
how you feel
about this
about the
changes

do you look
back fondly
or do you
feel nothing

have you been
successful
in getting rid
of me
from your head
does it bother
you none

that has come
to become us
a series of
unanswered
questions

and I hate
not knowing
and they keep
piling up
these questions
bury me deep

you might as well
rip me apart
but this is
the choice I make
I guess
to die slowly
perish bit by bit
in sighs
but not really
dissolve in
the atmosphere
and die
but die
be revived
and die
and then
be revived
each moment
a million times
all for love
in the name of love
I give myself up

bear this ordeal
only to know
there was a brief time
when I once lived
that life

the glimpses of it
in these questions
which will never
be answered

©Seema Tabassum 2016
©lifeshues.org 2016
All content and images copyright 2016
All rights reserved

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