Silver Linings #1 (journal)

It’s after ages that I’m feeling pain,I don’t know if it is my leg that’s hurting or my heart,I’m drowning,not frowning,drowning,just Saturday I told Mom I don’t feel 36,feel like a 16 year old,energy and enthusiasm wise,then just that day I met with an accident,a minor one, I fell on my left side,bike on my left leg and hurt some,clothes tore too,knee’s swollen and hurts much,aches from the knee to the toes,can’t curl the last three, Sunday I realised my hands and back hurts too,nothing is broken and no bruises,it’s all internal,I went from 16 to 46 in an evening …
made me realise in life you think you’re ready for anything,any kind of a blow that life can throw at you but then you know there is nothing that can prepare you,no matter how much you’re prepared or brace yourself for the impact,you are going to get hit and tossed around in the bus that is life maybe thrown out of the window too breaking all your bones,you are never prepared,no matter how much you practice or how many times you’ve been through heartache,each time it is a new way in which it hurts,our hearts keep finding new places to expose themselves I guess,because each time it hurts differently,matters of the heart are unpredictable,you cannot say for sure how you’ll react to heartache,you might think you are calm and composed but something might break and give way you just might lose it all,that is the enigma,now it just drowns me to know that my heart is so fragile,though I thought/think it is tough it can take much but it can take none,it likes playing with my brain or maybe they both are playing and I’m suffering,brain thinks it can handle anything but goes spinning at the slighest gesture,heart thinks it’s tough has seen enough but gets washed off of blood at the meekest wave of indifference,and now my body is aiding these two and feels like the whole world is drowning…I hate this,hope it passes soon….it’s rattling but it’s gratifying to know that I’m not dead yet,yay I feel stuff,great!!

©Seema Tabassum 2016
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