Tag: #SilverLinings

UPDATING (poem)

…UPDATING…
I’m constantly running…
without a minute for me to stop…
can switch myself off to numb…
for numb is easy and emotions cripple…
so I run scared that if I don’t
I might end up feeling…
and I know feeling won’t be easy…
feeling will become overwhelming…
but there comes a moment
when I to the noise inside me succumb…
it grows a mouth and roars
and it’s teeth rip my heart…
in that moment I stand in front of
all my demons…
they crush and wrench my soul…
squeeze the numbness out of me…
throw me into an abyss…
where I lay in my own filth…
lay till my bones soak it all in it…
lay there immobile
till all the soaked up fluid
evaporates from my pores…
I am currently in that abyss
when all that paralyses me comes back to me…
is staring me in the eye
and I lay helpless…
it will take a while to be able
to go about my day normally…
to be up and running
to be able to see sunshine…
to be able to smile…
I’ll be back soon…
till then I hope you miss me
and read me again…
and most of all I hope you stay…
for it was really hard getting you
to see me in the first place…
we shall soon meet in our poetry…
I won’t be long I swear…
till then take care…


This app that is me…
has come to a halt suddenly…
has stopped running…
the numbness has rusted
and it’s back to feeling…
the steel needs a little polishing…
this app needs a little updating…
in a while will be back to feeling nothing…
so kindly wait till the process is complete…

©Seema Tabassum 2017
©http://lifeshues.org 2017
All content and images copyright 2017
All rights reserved.

*I know I haven’t replied to your comments in a while, I will do that as soon as I’m back, I promise, thank you for your friendship and patience, grateful eternally.

To read another post on what goes through my head kindly click here. Thank you.
My website is self-hosted I don’t have the regular features where you can just like my poem, so I request you to leave a word or two so I may know if you liked my post, thank you for stopping by, most appreciate your time.

Meaning To My Life (poem)

We all have things in the past, demons inside our heads, insecurities, shortcomings, complexes and a sense of purpose, all these we choke on and we need to find release, something that diverts yet propels us in the direction where we can find some kind of a mutual ground between dreams and reality, if we’re lucky the escape becomes the meaning to our life. In a minuscule way I have kind of stumbled upon that mutual ground is what I like to think, I maybe wrong though, for I can see not the big picture and also life is notorious for being unpredictable.


I once woke up looking for the meaning to my life
and strangely thought I’ll find it near the sea…
the waves would look for it and come
running back with empty hands to me…
I didn’t have it in me then
the patience to chase it any more…
I went back to my mind-slumber
and retreated back into my chaos…

soon enough I was choking on my
thoughts feeling constrained in my mind…
I had to release those before
my sanity was jeopardised…
I instinctively wrapped my fingers around a pen
and my fingertips bled words…
the blotches on my pages was the meaning to my life
coming back to me over time in these blood spurts

©Seema Tabassum 2016
©lifeshues.org 2016
All content and images copyright 2016
All rights reserved.

picture courtesy : unsplash.com

To read a post which is not a poem but something straight from my heart kindly click here. Thank you.
My website is self-hosted I don’t have the regular features where you can just like my poem, so I request you to leave a word or two so I may know if you liked my post, thank you for stopping by, most appreciate your time.

Quixotic (poem)

Quixotic is the word(Masha Allah) and I don’t mean to exaggerate…

I’m the kind who
pays attention to
the details…
if I have a conversation
I have a hundred questions…
why did you say this…
when you said it
did you mean it…
or you said because
you were angry…
what’s going through
your mind…

questions become walls
and my entire life
I’ve been tormented
by these walls
which gave more questions
less answers…
you you and you
everyone thinks it’s frivolous…
I think it’s essential…
how will you deal
if you don’t know
why what and when
and how…
how to resolve…
I felt cornered
cut out and unwelcome
each time you left without answers…
when a conversation ended
without conclusion…
I felt cold and stupid…
and I have a side which doesn’t
want to be a pain either
by asking questions…

but in this entire world…
in this entire world
I have this person
who answers every question…
asks questions…
is concerned…
won’t let me be…
won’t let me wither…
is clear like stream water…
will answer till
I’m convinced
even if it takes the whole night…
will not shut the door on me…
will never leave things unresolved…
and no matter how stupid
or unnecessary my questions are
he answers all…
all till all’s understood…
till there’s no misunderstanding…
till there’s not an ounce of doubt…
till I’m at peace he won’t sleep…
and in the morning
when he wakes up
even after we’ve spent the whole night
trying to get things clear
his first words are
“Tabassum, Mamma, all’s well right, then hug”…

my work place is a couch
from which I can monitor
both the boys…
their beds I see from where I sit…
Taher(hubby) when he wakes up
flashes his phone’s light at me…
I’ve come to get so used to it
I wonder what I’ll do if a day
comes when he won’t feel the need to
or is not on that bed (God forbid)…
I hate to love so much…
depend so much…
hurt so much…
that’s why I like to
remain detached
and focus on other things
and not on our love…
our love is sacred…
I’m scared that my over involvement will jinx it…
that’s why I like to keep
the storm that is our love at a bay…
because it is oh so unreal and dreamy…
it cannot be true
and that scares me…
I don’t want anything going bad
to the only right thing in my life…
all my relations have been messed
except this one…
this one thing
that is right in my life…
and surely that only thing
that I got and I don’t deserve
am unworthy of…
that one thing I can fall back on…
that one thing that has no doors
that will close on me…
block me…
leave me in the cold or dark…
that one thing that makes my life
even worth living…
I cannot lose this heart
that is the purest form of love…
will love me even if I’m a cripple…
will overlook my flaws…
with whom I don’t have to worry
if I’m being a pain or asking the
wrong questions…
with whom I don’t have to worry
about showing the right side of me
because he embraces even my ugly…
the lost side…the confused side…
the emotional fool side…
emotionally dependent side…
drowned in nostalgia side…
living in the past side…
divided among so many things side…
the aloof side…
the selfish side…
the obsessive compulsive side…
the perfectionist(in vain) side…
the condescending attitude side…
the need to be left alone side…
the misanthrope side…
the hot head side…
the impatient side…
the restless side…
the superiority complex side…
the feels incompetent side…

each and every flaw in me
just goes unnoticed…
this man was made for me…
to fill the void for all that
I don’t have in my life…
to fill the hole that is my heart…
grateful is not word enough
and my actions don’t convey
gratitude either…
but my heart which longs
for a sea of people
has home in his heart…
we have home in each other…
if there is a word soulmate
it is him…
because a million times
we’ve talked without talking…
resolved issues without arguing…
answered without questioning…
accepted without judging…

though my heart longs for the world
it’s here with him where it
truly feels it belongs…
or is wanted and welcomed…
questions and inconveniences
and all

©Seema Tabassum 2017
©lifeshues.org 2017
All content and images copyright 2017
All rights reserved.

*The handsome man in the picture is my hubby.

To read another personal poem kindly click here. Thank You.

Fragrant Onset Of A New Day (poem)

As soon as we wake up
our feet take us to the bed on which you sleep…
it comes as naturally as breathing
now a deeply embedded habit…
we find ourselves on your bed
lying on your sheets…
that place we feel like we’re in your arms
for those sheets wear the smell of your skin…
from it’s onset the day is fragrant
and sunshine of your presence is always lingering…
on your bed we hug and cuddle each other too
we mother and son both are crazy about you our darling

©Seema Tabassum 2016
©lifeshues.org 2016
All images and content copyright 2016
All rights reserved

Happy Birthday Honey,thank you for always being fragrantly you.

Another poem which was written for us is Stark Contrast

picture courtesy: https://unsplash.com

Of Blessings and Longings (Silver Linings)

Ramadan is when i miss my brother the most, we are pretty close but can’t meet up often because we live in different cities.Iftar,the meal when we break fast after abstaining from food and water from dawn to sunset is when i think of him.Sunsets make me sad and nostalgic,to add to that my brother isn’t with me when i’m breaking my fast,which is supposed to be a family affair,i always feel a void.
Iftar,the word itself conjures up an image of a family sitting in front of food prepared by the mother, waiting for the sirens to ring,children enthusiastically trying to help lay the table,giggling away as they do that.Such a beautiful scene.My brother and i don’t have childhood memories like these.In our memories,when were little,Ramadan was nothing special.It was a time when we couldn’t visit our maternal Grandmom’s home because my mother didn’t want us to disturb her Ramadan routine and also not to exhaust her. But my Grandpa used to bring us a milk can full(about a gallon or more) of SheerKorma(dessert made of milk and vermicelli) first thing in the morning on Eid,and this memory is by far,the most beautiful thing related to Ramadan.Everything else related to Islam was distant to us.
My Dad was a Hindu and my Mom a Muslim. We grew up mostly with our Dad’s side of the family,spending only about two weeks with my Mom’s parents and our maternal cousins during the summer holidays.That was the only time we’d get to know a little about Islam,but it didn’t appeal to me much then.Obviously, because i didn’t understand it.The Islamic traditions in India are mostly innovations,influenced much by the Hindu culture,that must have made me feel like there’s not much difference between the two religions.So,i remained detached from Islam and so did my brother.But ofcourse things are different now,with the Internet and the efforts of many people,the Sub Continent too has been waking up to the true religion,there is awareness about what’s original and what’s innovated/added, and that’s a good thing.
Coming back to my brother and me and Iftar,if i’m not wrong,i’m pretty sure i’m not,my brother and i have spent Iftar together only on five occasions since we both started practising Islam,which by the way we did in
different years than each others’,and different places too,in different circumstances.Till date i haven’t had the time to ask him about what led him to Islam,but i intend to do that soon.
As for my love story with Islam,I can only say that it was destined to,because my Islam is so perfect,free of error.I can say that Islam i found where i least expected to,in a land far away from home,from Islam,in a place,amongst a people not so familiar with the religion.I’ve always felt like i was destined to embrace Islam,and it had to be away from home,in the solitude,in the turmoil,amidst one of the most difficult times of my life.I was to choose Islam,learn it the hard way,I had to understand it from an outsider’s perspective,to find the beauty in it,I was not meant to inherit it.I think i can say the same about my brother.
Like how a compass always points north due to the earth’s magnetic field,my heart,mind and soul pointed me in the direction of Islam,like I was always meant to be a Muslim but I had to find it myself.I’m forever grateful to Allah,the Almighty for this love story,Islam’s and mine,the story of how i fell in love with the perfection,the balance and the science of Islam after understanding it completely.It has now become the very essence of my existence,like how it should be.I’m also grateful that my brother too has found the peace,the truth.
I miss him still and will think of him every Ramadan day and we’ll hopefully make memories of Iftar when he’s in town during the month.And now that we both have beautiful boys,we’ll make memories for them to remember when they grow up,hopefully they’ll cherish them when we are long gone and hopefully they’ll love Islam the same,i know they will,InshaAllah.
For now i’m praying for all my brothers and sisters in Islam and for peace and harmony in the world and peace in my heart,Ameen. ……….meanwhile my heart still longs and feels blessed for the longing and the love.

*that’s my Dad and Mom,my brother and I in the picture.

©Seema Tabassum 2015
©http://lifeshues.org 2015
All content and images copyright 2015
All rights reserved

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